My Career Is About to Be Cut Short. I Know Exactly Who to Blame.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

I just turned 54, married, no children. Two decades ago, I took my liberal arts degree(s) and got an entry-level job at a solid healthcare company and have moved up to the point where I think I’ve reached my max potential. I am punching above my weight in my current role. I believe that AI will kill my role in the next 12 months, and I do not believe my age and skillset will make me competitive in today’s job market.

My spouse (6 years younger and has taken a similar path and earns about the same salary) and I are also simply burned out with work and with the direction of the United States, so we’re looking to retire early in a lower cost of living country. Our combined assets to include IRA, 401k and cash on hand totals about $2.4 million and we have probably $500,000 equity in our home which I’d like to sell. I will get a small military-related pension when I turn 60, which will also cover healthcare costs either in or out of the United States for both of us as well as (hopefully) Social Security at the age where it makes the most sense. I’ll be using ‘rule of 55’ to start drawing on my 401k.

Per my own calculations and our financial adviser, we can make this work comfortably with the assets we currently have. The dilemma is that I think about how much higher my currently $842,000.00 401k could be if I continue to contribute to it for a few more years. Per online calculators, if I were to stick with our original plan to work until 60, it could be way higher, and we’d have that much more of a comfortable/secure lifestyle.  But, at the same time, I realize that I probably will get laid off before that becomes a reality.

We’re really tired of working…and the country we’re looking at is pretty strict about working under a non-lucrative type visa, so if we make this decision, we’ve got to be pretty set on the course of action. As (besides politics) the main factor in not staying in the US is the cost of healthcare, that barrier should be eliminated in 6 years when I turn 60 so we can use that as a fallback plan if necessary. Is there any advice you could give to help me feel more secure in our plan? At this point, I kind of feel like I’d like to leave the workforce on my own terms, and our plan is the ideal way to do so.

—Retirement Dilemma

Dear Retirement Dilemma,

I can see why you feel stuck here. On the one hand, yes, walking away from that 401(k) growth would sting a little. On the other hand, the risks of staying—potential layoffs, AI disruption, continued burnout—are real.

You’ve done your homework here. Plus, you have the blessing of your advisor. You’re both well aware of the potential pitfalls and you’re planning for them, so it’s not like you’re making this decision impulsively and without a backup plan or two. The burnout factor is also worth taking seriously. Chronic stress can shorten your healthy years, which defeats the purpose of accumulating wealth in the first place. To me, leaving on your own terms and easing into a nice retired life sounds ideal.

I guess the question is: How much is your peace of mind and those healthy early retirement years worth to you? Some people would gladly trade a potentially larger nest egg for the certainty of escaping a stressful situation on their own terms. Others might feel too anxious about leaving money on the table. Only you can weigh those competing values, but $3 million and a solid exit strategy at 54? You’re in a great position. You’re in a position where either choice would work out fine. In fact, it sounds like you’ve made that choice and you just want to feel good about it. Money has this weird way of making a person second-guess their perfectly reasonable decisions, and in a culture obsessed with accumulating wealth and grinding it out at work, stepping away can feel almost irresponsible, even when the math supports it. It can be hard to break that mindset. But you’ve got all your ducks in a row, so at this point, the best way to feel secure might just be to trust the process, take the leap, and give yourself permission to live life on your own terms.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I have a two-part question about charitable giving. I work in education in the Northeast, where I make a comfortable salary; my husband makes triple my salary in a corporate job. We have very different views about money: I was raised in privilege and am a responsible spendthrift, while he comes from a modest background and habitually pinches every penny. We keep our finances partially separate but have open conversations about money and split common costs according to the discrepancy in our incomes.

Over the past few years I’ve made a habit of setting aside $100 of my income a month for charitable donations. With the massive cuts to social services going on, I feel compelled to expand that. Ideally, I would find some local non profits providing LGBTQ or abortion support in red states where services have been cut, and make monthly donations for at least a year. So: How can I find those organizations and make sure my money is going somewhere it does good? And do you have any suggestions for talking to my husband about this? $100 a month felt like a trivial amount to me so I’ve never really discussed it with him—but also because I think he might not think this is a good use of money.

—Money Burning a Hole In My Pocket While the World Burns

Dear Money Burning,

I think there’s a big difference between the urge to splurge and the urge to spend money to help others. The conversation with your husband might be tricky if you have issues with the former, but you should make this distinction because the latter comes from a much more thoughtful place.

Since you already split expenses proportionally, framing this as your discretionary spending might help. That icebreaker is as simple as, “I’m planning to use some of my personal spending toward charitable giving.” On the other hand, given his penny-pinching tendencies, he might see this spending—albeit charitable—as something that could take away from your shared goals. In which case, it might help to acknowledge this upfront. Something like, “I know we think about money differently, and I value your input, but this is really important to me.” The key is presenting it as something you feel strongly about while still being genuinely open to his concerns.

As for finding solid organizations, I’d start with Charity Navigator or GuideStar to research specific groups. These websites break down how much actually goes to the programs versus what goes into overhead costs. To toss out some options, you can look into organizations like Equality Federation (which supports state-level groups) or search for local Pride centers in specific states you want to target. For reproductive access, you might consider groups like the National Abortion Federation’s hotline fund or state-specific organizations like TEA Fund in Texas.

The bottom line is that you’re already being thoughtful about this—both in wanting to help others and in considering your partner’s perspective. In this case, though, it seems to be less about money burning a hole in your pocket and more about wanting to put your funds to good use.

—Kristin

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Several years ago, a very close friend of mine commissioned a bespoke handgun from a very well-regarded custom shop—he spent about $5,000 specifically so he could create a new family heirloom, which he hoped would be passed father to son for several generations. Unfortunately, he was taken by an illness at an unexpectedly young age and passed away when his son was too young to be responsible for a handgun. He gave the gun to me before he died, with the understanding that I would give the gun to his son when he was old enough. Well, the son is turning 21 soon.

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